Every once in a while the internet goof mafia creates ridiculous magic
in a random corner of the internet.
The Hutzler 571 banana slicer is a real product, offered on Amazon.com. It is what it sounds like. A slicer. ..that slices bananas. Wonder what the appeal is? Welp, take a read at what some of the over TWO THOUSAND reviews have to say.
"Wait, this is a BANANA SLICER?? Oh man, I thought it was a modernistic ladder for a parakeet. My "Timmy" loves the way it curves so he can get to that right perch without doing that big awkward hop."
"No more throwing bananas at the ceiling fan for me! This product has saved me the work of peeling the banana slices off the wall after the fan slices them. Thanks, banana slicer!"
"For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story.
Banana slicer...thanks to you, I see greatness on the horizon."
"Once I figured out I had to peel the banana before using - it works much better.
Ordering one for my nephew who's in the airforce in California. He's been using an old slinky to slice his banana's. He should really enjoy this product!"
There are gobs and gobs of reviews talking about what to do if your banana curves the wrong way. An obviously difficult problem that is addressed in length by the reviewers. Some suggest hacking your Hutzler 571 and include extremely detailed instructions, others suggest buying the Hutzler 571B or 572C to have multiple slicing options on hand. Some contacted the banana slicing tech support and are waiting it out to see if the glitches will be addressed in the newer technology. If you feel like mindless goonery, go have a read. ;)
The customer pictures are just as goofy:
And of course where you least expect him (and when he's needed the most) the Doctor shows up.
"When you're a Time Lord you simply don't have the time to sit around slicing bananas. Even with the power of time travel slicing bananas is just impossible without this slicer."
Then again, dig deep enough and you'll see that Honey Boo Boo got in on the ba-na-nay slicen' action too. I'll let you head to the site and find that one for yourselves. :)
This one gave me an actual lol.
There is soooo much more to read.
A lot of people spent a lot of time on the straight up silly. Remember when "redonkulous" made it's way into pop culture for a minute? I think I'm bringing it back for this. Internet, you're redonkulous.