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Thursday, November 15, 2012

A new piece of me

It's easy to relate to those less than perfect moments that make up this entire world, especially in parenting.  I know I didn't expect to float around in white linens with my plump, pink, cooing baby like Johnson & Johnson commercials portray.  I expected weird smells, weird sounds and weird things coming out of every open end of that bundle of delight.  I expected stuggle, sacrifice and a whole lot of "learning opportunities" for me and my daughter.
But to my delight, there are soooo many picture perfect-how-could-this-exist-in-real-life-moments in parenthood!  Ya never hear about those.  I was completely taken aback at how often and how many, fairytale moments I get to experience as a new momma. 
They're actual, literal precious moments.  Get away from the visual of pastel, porcelain dolls with those weird tear drop eyes if you can - and think of that actual phrase: precious moment.  

It's a blip in time that, as soon as it begins, strikes you with a heartache knowing that it has to end.  It sweeps your breath away and you drink in as much of it as possible, welling over with incomprehension of how to handle This. Much. Love.  You can't cope, tears flow and the moment gets closer to it's close.  It's overwhelmingly wonderful and heart breaking all at once.

I had one of those tonight.  I can't just let these moments slip away. So here I am, documenting in an attempt to reclaim it away from time distancing me from this feeling.

Tonight around 9pm I asked Scarlet if she was ready for bed.  She darted toward her room, cheerfully saying "Ni-nigh, yet's go!" I followed her in, closed the door, dimmed the lights and scooped her up. Scarlet snuggled into my neck and in the tiniest most precious voice I've ever heard her use, she started to repeat:  "I yuv you" over and over again. That voice, I can't even describe it.  So tiny and sweet.  It struck me fast and silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I rocked her slowly, holding tight.  My tiny baby that is growing out of my arms so quickly.  How is this my life?  How did I get this?  Surreal.  I rocked and listened to that little voice "I yuuuv youuuu. I yuuuuv youuuu." 
 Then we sat in her glider.  "Book?" she asked.  We read Chicka-Chicka Boom Boom and she spelled portions of her name each time she saw a letter "elle, ee, tee!" We sang Skiddamarink-a-Dink-a-Dink, doing the hand motions together and then I sang the lullaby that I made up for her when she was new. I stood back up, hugged her tight, took a deep breath and laid her down in her crib. "Ni-night love" I said. She stared up at me, blinked and said "thank you mama". 

Completely perfect.  Now a memory, and new piece of me.  I don't think there is anything more incredible than these gifts.

14 comments:

  1. Simply gorgeous precious moments Marie. Cassie x

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  2. A loving and gorgeous mom gets a loving and beautiful beeble. Thats the way it is

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  3. I must admit I teared up a little reading this, for I too am a new mom but my little one is only 9 months. So to know I will be experiencing something like this in the future makes me happy. They do grow so fast.

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  4. Oh Marie! These are the moments that I can only hope for someday! I know right now people look at me weird for not wanting to go to college, but I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. That's what God created me to be, and I really think I'm getting the better end of the deal. Thanks for giving us another look into your wonderful life!

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  5. This is exactly how I felt with my own babies in those precious moments and now as a grandmother. Let me assure you though Marie ,even though your baby is growing up, you still have so many incredible moments of that overwhelming love coming your way.

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  6. Oh my goodness. Just gorgeous. They're so special aren't they?

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  7. MARIE! You made me tear! I was never a softy before. But now I am a mama I cry at everything that touches my heart the way this did! I can NOT wait until my little girl says I love you! Beeble is just the sweetest! I was sad about my wee girl turning 1 in 2 weeks but this gives me something to look forward to!

    I want to bottle her cuteness! You are a lucky lady Marie!

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  8. I'm not a parent myself but reading made me cry, your daughter sounds so adorable and she obviously adores you! So precious, I am so happy I found your blog through Louises youtube :D xo

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  9. Marie this was so eloquent and succinct. I relate to you and this experience greatly. Before I had my daughter Aurora I expected there would be memorable moments, but as you wrote their are so many more than I expected. I enjoy seeing your view of motherhood. xo

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